Hogwart's Lost Diaries
by Miss Cassi
Summary: This is exactly why a 13 year old me should not be given a computer, or more importantly an internet connection to the outside world.
1. Draco's Diary, 15

Draco's *"Secret"* Diary  
  
Ha ha! Another fanfiction, hopefully more succesful than the last two. Ach! I hate Christmas music! Oh, yeah, that was random...  
  
Disclaimer- I don't own them. I wish I did, but I still don't. WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?????  
  
Entry One, Incripted-  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Ach, your not a diary, dammit! Your a journal! I am not gay, there for I do not keep diaries. That is a muggle females obsession. So, you are not a diary. NOT a diary. Okay, now that I have that out of my system, I think that I will actually write something that will make this fanfiction... I mean, JOURNAL (Not diary) more plausible. Not that plausibility was ever a case with this JOURNAL but hey, what the heck.  
  
Ha ha. That muggle Granger finally admitted that she kinda likes me. It took three times singing "Clevland Rocks" From the Drew Carey show, four gallons of orange juice, a cup cake, and two cans of tuna to get her to admit it, but admit it she did. Ha ha! Next I will get Potter to say that he is gay by using fish. Yes, strong with the fishes am I.  
  
Wait, I'm not a muggle, how did I learn Clevland Rocks? I have never even heard of that show, let alone that song.  
  
*Sings absent mindedly to self* "All the chicks with crimson lips say Cleavland Rocks, Cleavland Rocks" *Catches what is doing* Oh, shite! Good thing no one will EVER find this Diary... I mean Journal, yes, journal, thats what I ment......  
  
Hey, why are you reading this???? How did you find my Journal????  
  
  
  
Draco Malfoy  
  
Entry Two, Incripted-  
  
Dear JOURNAL!!! (Yes, I am still arguing with my self over that...)  
  
Okay, Journal... You know, it would so much easier to give you a name... What will I call you????????? Pansy? No, I hate her.... I think.... Though J.K. Rowling doesn't seem to think so... Oh, wait, Not a fanfiction, a Journal..... Can't acknowlege this as she being my "Maker".  
  
***Miss Cassi writes that Draco will slowly go mad***  
  
Hey, I feel kinda.... Funny. I think I shall sit in my bed and stare at the ceiling and slowly slip into madness....  
  
****J. K. Rowling say "Miss Cassi, you may not tell my charicters what to do!! That is against the law!! Its copyrite infringement!!****  
  
***Miss Cassi says "Dot dot dot.... Oh shite, I'm not going to jail for plegerism again, am I??? I went through that three times in my last Fanfiction!! And this is only the first Chapter! It took two last time... I think...***  
  
*I stare madly at the ceiling while I hear people in my head arguing about plegerism and copyrite infringment* "Clevland Rocks, Cleavland rocks...." Oh no! Not this again?  
  
**Drew Carey says "Hey, isn't that copyrite infringment, using my song???"**  
  
***Miss Cassi says "Hold on readers, I have to use that bathroom. Hold those thoughts..."***  
  
*Ten minutes later, the JOURNAL continues*  
  
Stupid Pansy asked me out again today. Damn her! I do not like her, in that way! In fact, I do not like her at all! I do NOT find her sexually appealing! But hey, if J. K. Rowling thinks so, what ever she say must go....  
  
Stupid people you give them a quill, and they think they are J. R. R. Tolkien  
  
Draco Malfoy  
  
P.s. Who in the hell is J. R. R. Tolkien????  
  
P.p.s. Hey, I never gave you a name... I will call you... Gandalf!  
  
Entry three Incripted-  
  
Dear Gandalf,  
  
'Dear'? Ewwwww... Does that make me gay? Thats Gross..... I am not gay! I have already stated that in previous issues of this JOURNAL that I am not gay...  
  
*****J. R. R. Tolkien says "Hey, doesn't using my names count as that copyrite thing too? I will sue the pants off of you! And your little tunic tooo!"*****  
  
*I stare at the wall wondering why all the voices are talking to me.* Hey, all of you people that aren't supposed to know about this JOURNAL, My imaginary friend says you have serious problems. *Holds up "magic" cell phone* Get Verizon Free-Up! Cha Ching! *Looks at cell phone* Magic cell phone hear my question... What are we having for dinner tommorow?  
  
%%Cell phone beeps and says "You have mail"%%  
  
Well, that helps my male, errr, mail, yes, mail, problem, but I want to know what poison they are going to feed me...  
  
%%Cell Phone says "You are the weekest link. Good bye!"%%  
  
But I don't want to go "Good Bye"!!! I am not the weekest link! I am the weekest Draco! Link is the name of a scary guy from a muggle video game!!  
  
***Miss Cassi sings One little, Two little, three little copyrite infringements four. Five little six little seven little, Infringements. Eight little nine little ten little.... Wait... I sang it wrong, let me try again...***  
  
*I become confused* What happened to this being my journal???  
  
  
  
Draco Malfoy  
  
Entry Four, Incripted-  
  
Gandalf,  
  
Ha, no dear. You are not special to me! I don't find you special at all!  
  
***Miss Cassi remembers the Gandalf's hoar conversation with Draco***  
  
I am not a hoar! Especially not his!  
  
***Miss Cassi says thats not what you said last week.***  
  
I thought what we had was special!!  
  
***Miss Cassi says I was talking about the strip club with you taking off your shirt and Pansy shoving money down your boxers.***  
  
... Thats besides the point! I was drunk, yeah, thats It. I was drunk and I wasn't myself. Anyway, journal, now that stupid Potter is back from fighting Lord Voldemort, (Annoying git as he is), I have assessed the situation-  
  
Number dead- 1  
  
Number stupid- Too many to count  
  
Number of evil peoples- once again, to many to count  
  
Assessement of the current situation- There is still hope for Lord Voldemort.  
  
Ha ha, now I have that stupid Granger eating out of my palm, now that I know she likes me.  
  
Stupid Gandalf! Stop laughing at me! I know you are! I never said that *I* liked `her`, I said that she liked me. Read the above entries, you stupid... Well, what are you??? A wizard or a diary? No!! Journal not diary! Ack! I AM NOT GAY!!! Don't listen to that stupid Potter! Its not gross that I want to be better friends with Weasly!  
  
Oh, Shite... Am I still typing???  
  
The Very STRAIT Draco Malfoy  
  
Entry Five, Incripted-  
  
Gandalf,  
  
Ah, Granger is asking me out now... And it is disturbing me... I don't like her! Or Pansy! But I am NOT a eunich, so don't even think of calling me gay. I can't help the fact that all of these woman are absolutely gross.  
  
****J. K. Rowling types that Draco will fall in love with Cho Chang****  
  
Hey, I feel funny again... Oooh... Pretty Ravenclaw.... I think I will go beg her to sit at my side until she slaps me silly and all these people writing about me will say that I will do something drastic....  
  
***Miss Cassi says, Hey! I'm writing this fanfiction! I say that Draco will sit and look pretty while singing a funky song!***  
  
All the chicks with crimson lips say "Cleavland rocks, Cleavland rocks"... Ack! All of you in my head, clear out! This fanfiction is crazy enough without you! NOOOOOO!!!  
  
*Rocks back and forth as slowly goes insane*  
  
***Miss Cassi says that apparantly Draco hasn't gotten over me telling him to go mad yet...***  
  
***Miss Cassi says that because Draco is going slowly insane, I will sign for him.***  
  
The Crazy Malfoy kid with blonde hair 


	2. Harry's Diary 15

Harry's Diary  
  
Okay, here we go again. I am writing alot of fanfictions now, to keep most of you happy, so yeah... If I don't update on one story, then I'll probably update on another. For the record, those of you who don't like my stories, bring on the flaming! Because of you, I do more just to *PISS* you off. For all of you who don't flame me, thank you, for you make me feel better. Also I will update when I like. A hint-  
  
The more reviews that you send, the sooner I will update!  
  
Disclaimer- I love them very much, but all the situations are owned by people that I don't own. Damn.  
  
Hand Writen in a small journal-  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Hello. I am writing in the darkness of my room, waiting for morning to come. So I am going to tell you in the mean time what happened. Ignore the fact that my writing sucks. I like to write. I like to write sentences. The sentences need to do something. The sentances need to be combined. I am annoying, even to myself. Its a good thing that Hermione doesn't read my diary...  
  
***Miss Cassi says that she will show Hermione when she gets the chance next.***  
  
Nooooo! Hermione will tell me that I need to take a muggle english class! Any way, today, Draco was talking to Weasly... Er, Ron. Have I mentioned that I like Cho Chang?  
  
***Miss Cassi says Have we mentioned that she likes Draco?***  
  
That doesn't surprise me one bit. He is always stealing all the good girls. Thank you for telling me.  
  
***Miss Cassi says that your welcome.***  
  
Oh well. I supose that I will just have to ask someone else to go out with me. Maybe Ginny?  
  
***Miss Cassi says then Ron will be your brother.***  
  
There we go! Then I can live in there dump of a house twenty-four-seven! You know, I always did kinda like Hannah Abbot...  
  
***Miss Cassi says always meaning three and a half seconds.***  
  
Thats besides the point. Hey, I just noticed something. My diary is like Tom Riddles! Cool! Now all I will have to do is keep talking to it, and go crazy, have it stolen, then get kidnapped and I can create another situation just like the second year!  
  
***Miss Cassi askes if he wants to be kidnapped.***  
  
What? Oh, depends, what do you look like???  
  
The boy who lives to be a pain in Slytherin's Ass *^ ^*  
  
Hand Written in a small journal-  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Hermione found my diary today. She didn't like my sentances..... But I don't care, as she is not a teacher. But I think that she will be later in life, so I better knock off the bad sentance structure. Hermione is scaring me now.... She admitted that she thinks Draco is cute, and is asking him out. And the sad thing is is I think he likes her to. But then, I guess that most of the girls in this school think that he is cute. Whats wrong with this picture??? I am the cute one! I was the boy who lived!  
  
***Miss Cassi says yes, your cute in a little boy manner, but you aren't a Bish like Draco!! (A/N some people don't know this. A bish is a bishoshen, which means 'pretty boy'.)  
  
Damn. Well, there goes my fan girl listing. It could be worse, then again. I could have Pansy *Shudders* hanging off my arm. So, yes, it could be worse. Anyway, Hermione likes Draco now, and I am jealos. Whats going on in this school? I don't get it! I am the boy who lived! Why don't all the girls hero worship me???  
  
Oh well, I will deal with that later, when I think of how. Until then, I will ponder over my misery over loosing Sirius. Ponder, ponder, okay, tired of that. Hey, I can see Ron! I am waving at him! Wait, is that my Fire Bolt he's carrying? I better go!  
  
Harry Potter  
  
Hand Written in a small journal-  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Okay, the Tom Riddle diary thing apperantly doesn't work, as I have yet to be kidnapped, so instead I will just write.  
  
***Miss Cassi says thats okay Harry. I don't want you, your not a bish.***  
  
Oh, okay. Well, any way, Ron is being annoying. He just saw a muggle movie called The Lord of the Rings, and now he thinks that he is a, what did you call it? a 'Bish?' Yes, thats it. He thinks that he is cute, because he's 'prettier' than the freak guy that gets killed in the first movie. (A/N Borimir) I keep trying to tell him that he is not what is considered a bish, but he won't listen to me, as he is usually obsessing about his "Fan mail."  
  
**A random Ron Fan says I wrote him a fan letter! I am a giddy Ron fan girl!**  
  
What about me, everyone? Why does everyone obsess about my side kick, instead of me, who is cute, dashing, sweet, and a good boyfriend?  
  
***Miss Cassi says I don't know, maybe because you are only one of those.***  
  
Which one? Please tell me that it is a good boyfriend.  
  
***Miss Cassi says, no, dashing.***  
  
Ah, yes. I am chivorlous, cute, yes. Dashing describes me.  
  
***Miss Cassi says, no, you make people dash away from you in fear, so you must be dashing. Give us a break, Harry. You talk to snakes. That's just plain creepy.***  
  
Damnit. I knew talking to that stupid snake was a dumb idea...  
  
Harry Potter  
  
Hand Written in a small journal-  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
You know, if I didn't know any better, I would swear that Moaning Myrtle has a crush on me... It seems like she is stalking me every where I go, whispering that she wants me to share her toilet with her. I keep telling her that I won't share it, (If I even do), until I die. So now I think she is trying to kill me, and it is making Ginny and Hermione jealos.  
  
******Hermione and Ginny both yell no its not!******  
  
It's my story, and I will tell it how ever I want. Do you mind? Now, any way, what happened today.... I ate alot of candy, and almost got expelled because I was so hyper I pulled down professor Snapes pants, and he was going to kill me, and then Dumbledor came in and Snape almost killed him, then I was confused and started shooting random curses, and one of them was a unforgivable curse, and I had Snape doing situps for no reason.... Dumbledor chose to forgive me as it was him who gave me all the candy.  
  
Fred and George have been doing well in there business, and I expect that they shall be raking in the money soon. They sent us all something that they made... Unfortunately mine happened to end up being a buzzing crystal ball, and Proffesor Trewlawny (A/N sorry, can't spell her name!) took it from me, thinking that I was trying to look into my bleak death filled future, and she bent to look into it, and she was zapped strait between the eyes.  
  
***Miss Cassi writes that Harry shall go talk to Draco***  
  
Hey, I feel.... Funny. Hey Draco, he's my buddy! I think that I shall go talk to my tall evil homie!  
  
Harry Potter  
  
Hand Written in a small journal  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Hermione is still after me for those stupid sentances, way back in my first dealie... Uh, diary entry, thats it! What? Hermione better not see this, she will get after me for my short term memory loss if she finds it...  
  
***Miss Cassi says she has short term and long term memory loss, so don't worry, my black haired friend.***  
  
Well, at least Ron is worse than me.  
  
***Miss Cassi says only the first year Ron. Unlike you, he learned to write.***  
  
Then why is he failing class?  
  
***Miss Cassi says I don't know.***  
  
Ah. Well, you were right about the Cho Chang with Draco thing.  
  
***Miss Cassi says I knew that.***  
  
So I am thinking about Ginny. Or maybe Hannah Abott, as I still don't know if I want to live in a tottering tower of doom.... Hey, I know, maybe I'll go out with Susan Bones... Hey, I have an idea! I will date the voice in my diary!  
  
***Miss Cassi says not a bish, not interested.***  
  
I'm almost a bish! I have black hair!  
  
***Miss Cassi says yes, and my favorite color of eyes.... Green.... Let me think about that.... Wait, you can't date me, I am the little thing writing in your diary after you! And your not Draco!***  
  
Damn Draco, stealing all the good woman!   
  
****J.K. Rowling writes that Harry will fall in love with Ginny Weasly.****  
  
Hey, did I ever say that red hair is my favorite in woman? I think I shall go mindlessly follow Ginny around until she agrees to date me!  
  
Harry Potter 


	3. Ron's Diary 15

Ron's Diary  
  
Okay, I have decided that I will put up a diary for each person who will have a diary, but If you have any other people that I should do a diary on, I will, provided that they suit me. I will *NEVER* do a diary for Pansy, Crab, Goyle, or Cho Chang, the first three because there too stupid, and Cho because I don't have any inkling as to what she would actually write in her diary that I could destort and destroy. But just about any one else.... If I don't want to do someone that you bring up, I will send a personal email telling you why I do not want to, so there will be no need to write it into this story. But anyway, that is my peace for this time. Ciao!  
  
Hand written letter found in a treasure box-  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I am to poor to buy a diary, but I have enough parchment that I can write and hide the letters. I don't get that. Why must I be the poor one! I am the pretty one! All the woman send me fan letters! I don't understand why they keep spelling my name wrong though.... They keep sending me letters that say 'Dear Legolas'.... they must have given me that name as a nick name. I can't understand all these fans... Yes, I know that I am devishly handsome, but my name is alright. I don't need a new one.  
  
Mione is scaring me. She keeps asking Draco out, and I don't get why. She hated him for how many years, then up and decides that he is cute. I am the cute one! I am the sidekick, after all.  
  
***Miss Cassi says you mean that annoying guy who stands by Harry's side and kicks him into shape?***  
  
Yeah, thats it.  
  
***Miss Cassi says I didn't know that Hermione offered her services as on of those...***  
  
Hey, neither did I! Where did you hear that from???  
  
***Miss Cassi slaps her head in frustration.***  
  
Oh well. Hey, did I mention, you cheap form of a diary, that Moaning Myrtle likes Harry? I think he might like her too.... I can't imagine why.... I wouldn't want to kiss something that is going to make me freeze... But, if Harry wants to, I suppose that he could commit suicide and then share her u-bend. But that is all up to personal preference. As far as I'm conscerned if he wants to be in a toilet, then I could just give him a swirly. But, he says that he doesn't have a crush on her. Then, he also said that he didn't want to go to Hogsmeade. Wait, does that mean he has a crush on Draco? Because Hermione said that he only didn't want her to go out with him because he wanted to go out with Draco.... And he said no.... Does that mean that he is... No, madness to suggest it. Gay??  
  
Ron Weasly, Gryffindor Extrordinair  
  
Hand written letter found in a treasure box-  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I asked Harry if he had a crush on Draco, and I am now sure that my best friend is gay, as he said no. Wait, does that mean he has a crush on Hermione to??? Oh well. I took out his fire bolt today, and he kicked the shit out of me for it because he said that I was getting it dirty... He's the one getting that fine broom dirty, rubbing his grimy, gay hands all over it.   
  
***Miss Cassi says that Harry is not gay. She says maybe Ron's jealos of him, though, as he is supposedly going out with his "buddy".***  
  
I'm not gay!  
  
***Miss Cassi says there, that settles it. You must be, as you just said you weren't.***  
  
But I'm not! Okay, Harry isn't gay. But he still likes Moaning Myrtle!  
  
***Miss Cassi says I never said any thing about Moaning Myrtle, just Draco. I don't think that Harry would want Draco, anyway, as Hermione would beat him up for taking him.***  
  
Ah, yes. True. I didn't think of that, creepy diary voice! Thank you very much!  
  
***Miss Cassi says you are welcome.***  
  
Anyway, I think that Draco is starting to fall for Mione, which is good, because then I won't have to deal with her annoying gibberish on studing harder.  
  
***Miss Cassi says yes, but then you won't have her to tell you that your paper was written wrong in Snapes Class.***  
  
Oh, true. I better go break that relationship up!  
  
Ron Weasly, Gryffindor Extrordinair  
  
Hand written letter found in a treasure box-  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Plans on twarting Hermione and Draco's relationship has failed. But then, Hermione did give me alot of orange juice, a cup cake, and some tuna, so I am going to be docile for the five or six seconds that I actually still have them.  
  
*four seconds later*  
  
Wow, that took less time than I thought they would. Yay! Thats a record! Any way, Herione seems to be happy with that over bearing, annoying, Slyterin, jack ass, stupid, blonde... I better stop before bad things come from yelling at him... Like Hermione slapping me across the face, for instance. Oh well. I suppose things could be worse. She could have a mad crush on me!  
  
***Miss Cassi says like you do her?***  
  
*Ears turn pink* No! I don't have a crush on Hermione!  
  
***Miss Cassi says you know, it might be easier to scratch your head guiltily without your fingers crossed.***  
  
...Okay, tired of talking to you. Anyway, I think that Draco is using Mione for something... Good grades for instance.  
  
***Miss Cassi looks around innocently and says that sounds familiar.***  
  
****J.K. Rowling says yes it does! J.K. Rowling writes that Ron will fall in love with Hermione and ask her out.***  
  
Oooh... Hermione... I think...  
  
***Miss Cassi says No! They must be interelated! Harry shall ask her out *first*.***  
  
Oh no! Wonder boy is going to ask her out first! I better run and ask, or else I'll miss out!  
  
Ron Weasly, Gryffindor Extrordinair  
  
Hand written letter found in a treasure box-  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
No! Harry got there first, and she said no, then something about a bish, and then I asked her, and she ran away screaming something about how Goyle and Crabbe were more bishy...  
  
***Miss Cassi says its okay, Ron. Your almost a bish, about as much as Harry.***  
  
Thanks, I think.... Anyway, so now Hermione looks at us funny... And I don't know why. I don't think that I deserve being treated like that! I mean, all I did was ask her out!!  
  
***Miss Cassi asks and what did you say to her when you asked her out?***  
  
I said "Mione, you shouldn't go out with Malfoy because he is a git, but you should go out with me because I am sexy."  
  
***Miss Cassi rolls her eyes and says well that explains it...***  
  
Well, your so helpful, aren't you, miss priss! I don't like you!  
  
***Miss Cassi says thats okay, I don't like you either. Your not a bish. And besides, you lack the evil or mischievious spirit that I like. So, sucks to be you, doesn't it?***  
  
If your suggesting that my brothers... Not Fred and George.... They couldn't be...  
  
***Miss Cassi says yes Ron, I like them more than you.***  
  
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!  
  
Ron Weasly, Gryffindor Extrordinair  
  
Hand Written letter found in a treasure box-  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Ah, well, Hermione has absolutely no thoughts what so ever of not going out with Draco. Wait, did that make sense? yes, it did. Okay. But only if I read it right..... Today, Harry asked my little sister out, and she said no. I can't understand why.... But after some small bribery on my part...  
  
***Miss Cassi says bribery meaning holding her by the scruff of the neck and yelling go out with him or die.***  
  
... I have convinced my baby sister to go out with him. There. That was easy! Also, I had to pee really bad after all that orange juice. Curses. Damn Hermione and her form of bribery...  
  
***Miss Cassi says I had better not say any thing, as you are likely to explode and I would die of massive laugh attack.***  
  
Me exploding... Now thats an idea.... Ack! Pigwideon just flew by and dropped a 'present' on my "diary"! You suck you stupid owl!  
  
***Miss Cassi asks why don't you say that instead of writing it?***  
  
That would make sense, wouldn't it...  
  
***Miss Cassi says yes it would.***  
  
I had better go clean up my stupid owls mess... I will have to write later....  
  
Ron Weasly, Gryffindor Extrordinair 


	4. Hermione's Diary 15

Hermione's Diary  
  
He he he he he! *Hops around and claps hands* Reviews are nice! They are a nice thing to get! *Stops, eyes turn red, darkness falls across the ground. All that is seen is a strange out line and the freaky red eyes. Fires leap up from behind Miss Cassi* Flames shall be laughed at and used to burn stupid homework. *Every thing goes back to normal, and Miss Cassi smiles happilly, then hops around and claps hands* But reviews are nice! Send lots and lots! *Fire burns and eyes glow red again* But remember, flames will be used to burn mostely science and math! And probably that stupid report about an I-search paper in composition class!  
  
Delicately Written in Purple Ink-  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Ha ha! Those stupid fools, Ron and Harry have no idea of my true plans! They think that I am mearly trying to date Draco because he is a bish... Which is only HALF true. *Smiles evilly* Yes, they don't understand that I am going to use him...  
  
***Miss Cassi says wow Hermione, didn't know you had it in you!***  
  
Ah, yes, you must be the creepy voice that Ron, Harry, and Draco spoke of.  
  
***Miss Cassi says that would more than likely be me, but then my buddy J. K. Rowling might be it to.***  
  
Ah. Well, at least now I know why my diary makes sounds in the middle of the night. Any way, I am getting more clever at the Draco thing, and I am thinking that maybe I will black mail the little bastard.  
  
***Miss Cassi- O.O Gee Hermione, maybe making him a nice chocolate pie would be better...***  
  
What? A chocolate pie? What would make him want a chocolate pie?  
  
***Miss Cassi says I have no idea. Its just every time something like this happens, the men tend to like food, and particualarly pie. I think that they just like saying the word 'Pie'.***  
  
Ah, then, perhaps I will try that. Mother always did like my pies, and she said I made heavanly chocolate cake... So I suppose that would work. But if it doesn't I am going to tell him that if he doesn't go out with me, then I'll tell his father that I love him!  
  
***Miss Cassi raises an eyebrow, then says, What good will that do?***  
  
His father hates muggles! It'll make him hate Draco!  
  
***Miss Cassi says, no, more than likely he'll come after you in the middle of the night and tickle you with a feather duster to death...***  
  
O.O Oh, yeah, didn't think of that. Wait, a feather duster??  
  
***Miss Cassi says don't ask me, it just seemed like a good idea at the time...***  
  
Ah... And Ron thought you were scary... What fools.  
  
****J. K. Rowling says no, they are afraid of me! You shall be afraid of me to!****  
  
Ahhhh! I don't like her! She scares me!  
  
Hermione Granger  
  
Delicately Written in Green Ink-  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Funny, the pie ploy worked. I didn't think it would.... but then... *Smiles mischieviously* I suppose adding a quart of a love potion didn't hurt none either...  
  
***Miss Cassi says now that you have your cute little blonde slave, what are you going to do?***  
  
I didn't think about it to much...  
  
***Miss Cassi says you can always make him torch Proffesor Snapes homework assignments that he has so you will never have homework again...***  
  
Ah, yes, but that takes all the fun out of school. Let me think. Blonde slave..... Slytherin, ego. I know! Ha ha! It is very mean, but I will do this any way!  
  
**The first song from 'The Guru' starts playing. Draco starts dancing the Macarena, then starts dancing more excentracly, with a huge smile on his face. Soon, all of the Slytherins are dancing along to the music, which is sung in indian, I think. There are whistles in the back round as Draco leads the dance, singing the song. Soon, the proffesors are dancing as well. Now Draco is at the very front of the dancers, all of them doing the same moves as him, which are sliding, shaking the top of the body, and part of the macarena. He leads them all out of the Great Hall, and all around the school.**  
  
O.O I don't know if I liked that, thought it uprorasly funny, or weather I'll be scarred for life...  
  
***Miss Cassi doesn't move, as she had a shock induced heart attack. She is still staring, open mouthed after Draco.***  
  
Well, that went well...  
  
Hermione Granger  
  
Delicately Written in Red Ink-  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I think Draco enjoyed that little dance episode yesterday.... All the Slytherins think him a hero, and he actually invited me to sit with him at lunch... Scary...  
  
***Miss Cassi twitches, and comes out of the coma. She says That was so funny! And begins to cumpulsively laugh.***  
  
It was... Ha ha ha ha ha! I need to do that more often! I didn't even know he could sing, let alone dance. That was hilarious! Ah, yes, getting popular off of him is working very well.  
  
Harry and Ron are still mad, but also there still in traction from when they fell down and hit there heads when Draco started dancing, so when they wake up if they remember me I am going to put a happy charm on them. No one will not love Hermione Granger!  
  
*****A random Hermione hater- I hate you, Hermanly Danger!*****  
  
What? *Gets Confused* Oh, wait, I know you. You were that kid I threw down the stairs the other day! Ha ha ha! *Throws the kid down some more stairs*  
  
*****A random Hermione hater- Ahhhhhhhhhhh!******  
  
Yay! I hurt a geek! I feel better!  
  
Hermione Granger  
  
Delicately Written in Blue Ink-  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Ack... I got detention for throwing that stupid little prat down the stairs. That is not fair! He was bothering me! But do I ever get to beat a geek? No.... Cheap! On the good hand though, I have gotten more popular from going out with Draco. I can't believe his dance moves got so popular... People keep doing the macarena during class.... It scares me, really, but I can't help the stupidity of others.  
  
Harry is mad at me I think, but then, I don't care. He is always mad at me for some reason or another. Pity him! It means he doesn't get the right answers in potions class!  
  
***Miss Cassi says well, I ain't given them to him. He isn't a bish.***  
  
I agree. Hey, I like you freaky diary voice.  
  
***Miss Cassi says well that makes one out of four. Now all I have to do is get the bish to like me and I will be happy!***  
  
Ah, yes. Draco will come around. Eventually.  
  
***Miss Cassi says I know. I have pictures of him dancing to send to his father if he doesn't.***  
  
Really? Can I see them??  
  
***Miss Cassi gives Hermione some pictures.***  
  
These are priceless! I'll keep these ones, if you don't mind. Black mail, don't you know.  
  
***Miss Cassi smiles. Of course. Mischief making is my specialty!***  
  
=^_^= Ha ha! They will never torment me again!  
  
Hermione Granger  
  
Delicately Written in Silver Ink-  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Harry got over being mad at me. It was really easy to convince him to stop being mad at me when he saw his potion test grade. Who knew that you could get an F-. Well, I guess it is possible... And Ron got an F--... how did he pull that off, do you ask? With a percentage of 3% out of 105% after extra credit. I got 104 1/2%, as I spelled Wormswart wrong. Well, oh well. At least I am not a disgrace to not only my self but others!  
  
***Miss Cassi says hey, yeah, me to.***  
  
You can't be a disgrace to others... Or can you?  
  
***Miss Cassi says you'd be amazed.***  
  
Probably not... I am not amazed at much any more. But hey, thats okay. I am prepared to be wrong about one thing a year.  
  
***Miss Cassi says yeah, but doesn't your one wrong thing a year count this time as how you spelled Wormswart?***  
  
Oh shite, your right! Well, there goes my summer. I was going to use my one wrong this year to tell Harry he was going to die...  
  
***Miss Cassi says you still can. I won't tell.***  
  
Okay!  
  
Hermione Granger 


	5. Ginny's Diary 15

On special request, I have chosen to do...  
  
Dunt duh dunt duhhhhh...  
  
Ginny's Diary!  
  
Okay people, like I said in For Who the Tale is Told, I'm sorry. I probably won't be going on with this gag series. I don't have the time. I'm writing another novel and it takes up a lot of my time. By the way, sorry for not putting this up earlier. I bet you all lost hope in my, huh? Well, school is to blame for that. I was failing geometry. Happy to say I passed with a 60% My bad? Well, to all my faithful readers, I love you, I thank you, and I will miss you. So, with no further ado, I present to you, Ginny's diary.  
  
Disclaimer- I don't want Ginny... Only Draco... And maybe Severus. So, I don't own them...  
  
Magically Written in a Novelette-  
  
Diary-  
  
My brother is annoying. Wait, is that a strong enough word? I hate him! He's making me go out with Harry Potter. Harry Pothead, more like! And he won't let me have my morning star back until I go out with him! (A/N A morning star is kind of like a mace, except smaller.)  
  
Miss Cassi says I understand Ginny. We can't help the stupidity of someone who would take bribery from Hermione.  
  
Ginny looks at diary like it is poision Your Tom Riddle! Hey, cool! .  
  
Miss Cassi- --:: I am not Tom Riddle. He is an idiot!  
  
Oh. Well that sucks. Hey, I know you! Hermione was talking about you in her chapt... I mean... Earlier today she spoke of you.  
  
Miss Cassi says Almost let every one out there in ficland know that you know about them, didn't you?  
  
Well, yeah... Hey, you just did that for me!  
  
J.K. Rowling writes that Ginny will end the chapter because she is incriminating herself.  
  
Oh, bye all you who are reading my diary! Hey, what are you doing reading my diary????  
  
Virginia- Damn I hate my name! I will be now be known as Milky Way! -  
  
Magically Written in a Novelette-  
  
Diary-  
  
Wow, am I bored. I am actually going to write to you! Well, Hermione finally convinced Draco to go out with her, and its really sick. She keeps holding his hand and stuff during potions, and Snape is starting to look at her funny. Wow, its a good thing he doesn't know about...  
  
Miss Cassi says don't tell them! They probably don't know about it yet!  
  
Oh, okay spooky diary voice. So, any way, yeah... Maybe I should tell them about...  
  
Miss Cassi says quiet! They haven't read things never to say to ask someone out thing yet!  
  
But what if they have?  
  
Miss Cassi says then they probably know what your talking about  
  
Oh, okay. Well, if you don't know, peoples out there, then you should read it so the sexual postion thing will make sense.  
  
Miss Cassi says you just told them. Slaps head   
  
Well, it doesn't matter any way, because the people from fanfiction.net deleted that story any way!  
  
Miss Cassi says oh, yeah, thats right.  
  
Well, any way, yeah.... That was kind of disturbing, but other than that, its all good. But I think that I should go, because people are looking at me funny because I am talking to my stupid diary!  
  
Milky Way!   
  
Magically Written in a Novelette-  
  
Diary-  
  
Today was very strange, so I think that I should write you...  
  
Miss Cassi says every day is strange, whats so special about today?  
  
I can't seem to remember... Gee, thanks damnit...  
  
Miss Cassi makes a check on a piece of paper and says thats three peoples lives I've ruined today. I'm on a role!  
  
Ginny slaps head On a happy note, though, Snape stopped looking at Hermione funny. Mostly because he got a new girlfriend. Her name is... Uh... I can't remember...  
  
Ginny talks outloud to herself People look funny at her What do you mean, I talk to myself? Stop talking to me! What are you talking about? I never said anything about his girlfriend! Looks at the people staring at her I AM NOT POSSESSED!!!  
  
Milky Way  
  
Magically Written in a Novelette-  
  
Diary- 


End file.
